Infertility and Marriage
Where do I even begin…marriage is hard regardless! Throw in two control freaks that made a plan, but the plan isn’t working, and things start getting harder.
A lot harder.
I’ve always been so proud of my husband and I’s relationship. If you knew anything about my previous marriage, then you’d understand. It was as close to perfect as you could get—at least that was my perception.
Even through our failed IUIs and our first round of IVF, I felt like Jamie and I were strong enough to take on whatever God threw at us.
Neither of us had much experience with grief, especially this close to home. No two people grieve the same or even at the same time for that matter. Initially, the grief brought us closer than we had ever been. But soon after things started getting harder, we both started changing; there was a shift in our marriage.
I can see this now but at the time, we were both just trying to survive. Now it’s 2.5 years later and I realize how far we’ve drifted from where we were. It makes me feel sad, fearful, and guilty.
What are we doing?
Are we so determined to have another baby that we are willing to sacrifice our marriage and the family that we do have? Statistically speaking, couples going through infertility that don’t end up with a baby are three times more likely to get a divorce.
It doesn’t take a genius to see that the odds are stacked against us.
A friend recently told me that marriages go through seasons and that resonated with me. Our season seems like we're in the dead of winter in Nebraska and it’s the longest winter of our lives. It’s easy to feel helpless, confused, and fearful along this journey.
If you’re going through infertility, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed of the hard times. Use these experiences to grow. As hard as it may be, you can’t control the infertility journey. Plans can change and that’s OK. Have faith in the process, whatever that may be. We are a society of “wanting it all immediately” and that’s just not reality, especially with infertility.
We have both changed—how could you not?! But we're learning, growing, and putting in the work together. For us, counseling has helped a lot. It has helped us to give each other more grace; to stop and understand what the other is feeling, and why they react they way they do.
There are good days and bad days and sometimes bad weeks, but no matter how hard this “season” is, we all have a choice, and I choose to fight—for a baby, for my marriage, and for all the other infertility warriors that don’t have the support they deserve during their journey.
One day this chapter will close in my life. I may not know the ending of this story yet, but I do know that I have given this chapter of my life all that I had.